What Kansas City Families Should Do When an Aging Parent Can No Longer Drive
Few conversations with an aging parent are harder than telling them you are concerned about their driving. For most of us, driving represents the independence of being able to go to the grocery store, visit friends, make a doctor’s appointment, or simply leave the house without asking someone for help.
When an aging parent begins having trouble driving safely, it may be time to look at whether other parts of their life need some additional planning. That does not mean someone who should stop driving is automatically incapable of managing their own affairs.
Changes in driving ability can sometimes be one of the first signs that a family needs to start thinking ahead. Here are several things Kansas City families should consider when an aging parent may no longer be able to drive safely.
Start With the Driving Issue Itself
Maybe your parent is getting lost on familiar roads, maybe they are struggling to drive at night, or perhaps there have been several close calls, unexplained dents on the car, traffic violations, or increasing confusion behind the wheel. You may also notice that they have become much more anxious about driving than they used to be.
The important thing is to separate the person’s age from their actual ability to drive. There are plenty of older adults who continue driving safely. The concern should be the behavior you are seeing, not simply the number on someone’s driver’s license.
In some situations, medical conditions can also affect a person’s ability to maintain a valid driver’s license. However, changes in vision, reaction time, memory, or judgment may be signs that it is time for a conversation about driving safely.
Losing the ability to drive can feel like losing control over your own life, so resistance is understandable. Whenever possible, make the discussion about safety and maintaining independence rather than taking independence away. For example, instead of simply saying, “You can’t drive anymore,” the better conversation may be, “We’re worried about what happened last week. Let’s figure out how we can make sure you can still get everywhere you need to go safely.”
Have a Transportation Plan Before Taking Away the Keys
If your parent cannot drive, someone will need to figure out how they are going to get to medical appointments, buy groceries, attend church, visit friends, or handle other everyday responsibilities. Without an alternative, giving up driving can quickly become isolating.
Before making a major change, talk with siblings and other family members about what transportation will actually look like. That could include family members sharing driving responsibilities, rideshare services, senior transportation programs, public transportation, delivery services, or other resources available in the Kansas City area. Try to create a real plan rather than relying on a phone call. The easier you can make the transition, the less it feels like everything is being taken away at once.
Driving Ability and Legal Capacity Are Not Equal
Driving requires vision, reaction time, coordination, attention, and the ability to process information quickly. At the same time, if the driving concerns are part of broader cognitive or health changes, they may be a reason to start reviewing the family’s legal planning.
The best time to prepare for incapacity is before incapacity occurs. Unfortunately, many families wait until something happens. Then they discover that an important document was never completed, an account cannot be accessed, or nobody has the legal authority to make a decision that suddenly needs to be made.
Make Sure Power of Attorney Is in Place
A financial power of attorney allows someone to act on another person’s behalf for certain financial and legal matters. A healthcare power of attorney can give a trusted person authority to make healthcare decisions when necessary. These documents can become incredibly important if a parent later becomes unable to manage their affairs. Consider the tasks an aging parent may need someone else to handle, such as:
- Paying bills
- Managing bank accounts
- Dealing with insurance companies
- Signing certain documents
- Handling property
- Communicating with healthcare providers
- Making medical decisions
If no one has been legally authorized to step in, an already difficult situation can become much more complicated. Families should make sure documents are current and still reflect the parent’s wishes.
Review the Estate Plan
Many families don’t have an estate plan to review. For others, the documents may have been created 15 or 20 years ago and have barely been looked at since. A lot can change during that time, so an estate plan should reflect the person’s life today. Depending on the situation, that review might include:
- A will
- A trust
- Financial powers of attorney
- Healthcare documents
- Beneficiary designations
- Real estate
- Bank and investment accounts
- Vehicle ownership
- Plans for personal property
Good planning also addresses what happens while that person is still alive if they need help managing their affairs.
Look Beyond Estate Planning to Long Term Care
Sometimes giving up driving is an isolated change. Other times, it is one part of a much larger transition. Maybe your parent is struggling with meals, home maintenance, or medications schedules, the house is becoming difficult, or medications are being missed. This is an area where waiting for a crisis can make planning much harder.
Families may need to start thinking about home care, assisted living, nursing home care, how those services will be paid for, and whether Medicaid could eventually become part of the picture. Those are not conversations most families are excited to have, but they are much easier to have while everyone has time to think through the options.
Talk to an Elder Law Attorney Before There Is a Crisis
If concerns about driving are appearing alongside other changes, it may make sense to have the family’s legal planning reviewed by an elder law attorney. An elder law attorney looks at issues that often overlap as people age, including estate planning, incapacity, powers of attorney, asset protection, Medicaid planning, and long term care.
For families in the Kansas City area, Paths Law Firm works with older adults and their families on these types of elder law and estate planning issues. The purpose of talking with an attorney is not to take decision making away from your parent.
In many cases, planning ahead gives your parent an opportunity to decide who they trust, how they want decisions handled, what they want to protect, and what should happen if they eventually need more care. Those decisions are usually much easier to make before an emergency.
Decide What to Do with the Car
If your parent permanently stops driving, the family may need to decide whether the car should be sold, transferred, kept for another family member, or handled another way. If the parent is still capable of managing their affairs, this may be relatively straightforward.
However, if they are no longer able to handle financial matters, however, someone may need legal authority to act on their behalf. Vehicle ownership may seem like a small issue compared with healthcare and long term care, but it is a good example of why planning matters.
Keep Your Parent Involved in the Conversation
There may eventually be situations where that becomes unavoidable, but whenever possible, your parent should remain part of the decision making process. Ask the following:
- What do they want?
- What are they worried about?
- What would make giving up driving easier?
- Who would they trust to help with financial or healthcare decisions if that ever became necessary?
These conversations can reveal concerns you did not know existed. Your parent may already know driving has become difficult but be afraid of losing independence. They may have questions about staying in their home, or they may have estate planning documents you did not even know existed.
Treat the Driving Conversation as an Opportunity to Plan Ahead
It may feel like you are taking something important away from someone you love, but sometimes that difficult conversation can lead to a much more valuable one.
- What does the next stage of life look like?
- What does your parent want?
- Who should help if help becomes necessary?
- Are the right legal documents in place?
- Has anyone thought about long term care?
- Is the family prepared if something changes suddenly?
You do not have to solve every one of those questions in a single conversation, but you do want to start asking them before you are forced to answer them during a crisis. Giving up the car keys may be one change, but making sure the rest of the road ahead is planned is another.